Over the past few weeks I have been stuck in this place that for a while I could not figure out, a place that I could not with all of my strength get out of… I was getting over whelmed and beat down and finally got to the point of just giving up and checking out.
And then one day it hit me. I am living a life of comparison and I have been doing it for years now. Comparing myself to the worth and value that I see in others. How beautiful some one is, how they dress and now being in this internship the degree that others love and share the love of Christ. What a trap of the enemy. (period)
This one act that I have been carrying out for quite some time has paralyzed me and kept me in this place of not stepping up and not stepping out. Because I see some one else doing what I want to do and I think to myself “oh their doing that way better then I ever could.” and there it is I automatically disqualify myself.
The Lord has not called me to a life of comparison. He’s set me apart. I am His daughter and there are parts of me that He created that He wants me to share with the world and not hide… its almost like that song “this little light of mine” I have been letting the enemy blow out my light because he pointed out some one else’s light to me and I thought theirs was more beautiful then mine. That my light wasn’t good enough to share.
I keep falling into that trap…
It’s a lie I have constantly struggled with, being adopted the enemy came in at an early age and spoke lies into my heart to make me believe that I was not good enough, worthless… I was blessed to be raised by family that constantly spoke into me how much of a blessing I was to them and how much I was loved and I am so thankful for them and the love they have shown me and continually poured over me throughout my life… but in the moments of being alone, when the enemy knows he can try to speak lies, some of those lies were believed. And for a long time I pushed people away because I was afraid they would see how worthless I was how not good enough I was.
After being in this internship I have been able to reject those lies and break free of them… I am a daughter… a daughter of GOD! I am good enough, my worth is far above jewels… I AM ALTOGETHER BEAUTIFUL AND THERE IS NO BLEMISH IN ME….
But still, I have been comparing and now I have been comparing my walk with the Lord. This kind of comparison has got me locked down and stuck in a trap. I haven’t been motivated to pursue my relationship with Jesus I haven’t even taken the time to hear what He says about this situation because I have automatically disqualified myself because so and so is so much better then I am… well I’m just not down with that any more. Thats not what my Dad says about me…
Once again these truths ring in my ears, I hear the heart of my Father for me….
YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH, YOU ARE WORTH IT, WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER IS IMPORTANT AND SPECIAL ONE OF A KIND, I DO SPEAK THROUGH YOU AND MY LIGHT DOES SHINE FROM YOUR HEART, YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER!
YOU ARE ALTOGETHER BEAUTIFUL AND THERE IS NO BLEMISH IN YOU!
I hear you Daddy, I hear you.