“The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all the he has and buys the field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls, and upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it.”
Am I willing to lose my life to gain it? Am I willing to sell all I have for the one pearl, the precious jewel?
In this journey and past few weeks I have been so determined that the easy path was the best path for us. That these struggles and difficult decisions were just signs that where I wanted to be and what I wanted to be doing was where we were really supposed to be heading. But I was definitely wrong.
After so much searching and searching trying to find a place to rent that would allow pets (large dogs especially) and 6 month leases (which is pretty close to impossible near a college) we had finally found a place in our price rang in the town (Blacksburg, VA) where we wanted to move. And then yesterday happened. Anthony and our friend Derrick went to finish up painting and get the apartment move in ready when, Anthony realized how moist it was in the apartment; and at his first viewing of it there had been mold but was reassured that it was just mildew and it would be cleaned. But with further research and acknowledging the environment of the old apartment… The “mildew” growing in it that had been cleaned away closely (to close) resembled black mold… Duh duh duh…
And now we have no where to move. Our move in date being tomorrow Saturday July 6. Back to square one literally.
In these moments instead of turning to the One who makes all things work together for my good I tend to swivel to the flesh and focus on what choices we could make that would make everything sooo much easier! If we move back to Atlanta now it would be sooo easy to find an apartment ( minus the mold) it would be sooo easy to find a nanny job and Anthony already has a few people that have offered him jobs….
But seriously, yes all that would be easy, and our life wouldn’t be bad if thats what we chose. But what will we gain if we push through this and make it to the end of this “3rd” year of internship that we have felt lead to do. What new revelations and truths will we gain and what freedom will come of the trial. I know for one thing both of us are having to do a lot of trusting and growing up in this season. We have been taken care of the past 3 1/2 years of our marriage first of all by God and then by our loving friends and family who have supported our journey in this internship. But now choosing the road less traveled when the sacrifices are our own.. Having to work 2 jobs, living in place that is even more uncomfortable then where we are now, not getting to live “in town” near the aquatic center, the Kroger (I loath walmart…for the most part), not being near the church or the home groups. All of those things in the bigger picture seem so small. I can shop at walmart (it isn’t going to kill me), I can walk/exercise with a friend out here, the church and home groups are only 30 minutes away (which isn’t really that far, in Atlanta everything is 30 minutes away) and working 2 jobs with awesome people who love the Lord is a blessing, and living somewhere, somewhat uncomfortable is bearable for 6 months I can do all things through Christ! So I want to be willing to sell everything, to sacrifice what I have for the Gospel, so my husband and I can learn all we can in the last few months we are in Virginia and Dwelling Place NRV, I want to make the sacrifices (even if it offends my flesh) I want to take the road less traveled… The one that isn’t really that easy…. I want to choose Jesus over this world (isn’t that the battle I am really fighting…). And that is just what I am going to do, by the grace of God.