As I laid in bed last night after a night of movie watching with my hubby, I was feeling a shift in my spirit and mind. I think it was one of those salvation moments that each of us has throughout life, one of those moments that comes after much struggle and battle over an issue we just cannot seem to overcome no matter the things we “work through” or “pray through” or seek the Lord on. It is almost as if in that moment all the actions we have taken to become free get moved to the side and we quit focusing on the how to’s and formulas we’ve learned along the way to become free and we see Jesus! Jesus… It is like last night a looked past all of those things I have done to become free and I looked to Jesus and He met me where I was, and lifted me up and helped me move past this struggle, this one thing I cannot seem to get free from, this pattern of life that has developed. For years I have found rest and comfort in external things in watching TV or movies. It has almost consumed my free time for quite some time. And it has become an addiction, an idol. I make excuses to get to watch “my” shows and movies. Yesterday on a walk with Anthony we really just stepped out of my/ our routine and spent time talking and hearing each others hearts… It was so refreshing and almost was like the Lord was preparing my heart for what He has in store for me last night, I am laying in bed and I am silently deep inside of myself crying out to my Father. Jesus I want to be free of this addiction I dont want to waste my life on all these other lovers on all these other idols. And anthony puts this song on “I will go” by the Desperation Band…

It says…

I will go I will live the life

I’ll give it up for Jesus Christ

I’ll tell the world that You are God

I will go hear my battle cry

Give me wings so I can fly

And tell the world that You are God…

Here am I

Here am I

I will give all that is mine

Here am I

Here am I

Jesus come and spend my life

Here am I

Here am I

I will give all that is mine

Here am I

Here am I

Jesus come and spend my life…

“In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;the whole earth is full of his glory.”At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.”Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Its like Jesus reached down inside of me and pulled up the courage that has been laying dormant, the courage that I have not been able to feel or see and showed it to me… Look Brittney I am in you… And I found myself praying Lord ruin me, ruin my flesh for the gospel, I choose you, free me from this addiction, I choose you… Here I am send me! Send me! Lord I choose you, here I am send me!

I woke up this morning earlier then normal and instead of fighting waking up and going back to sleep and I got up and took a new step I rarely take and came and sat down to write this down. To seal what the Lord did in my hear last night, to put down in writing the work He is begging in my heart! Yesterday on our walk I told Anthony that I was ready for a new season, not just physically but also spiritually. I have been in this winter season for so long and I am ready to be in spring for quite a while. I am ready to see the seeds the Lord has planted in my heart and life come into bloom and see the fullness of what He has for me. I think today is the first day of Spring with the Lord. Thank you for Spring Daddy thank you for this new day, the new vision of You.

 sendme

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